Type in the phrase “social distancing” into Google search engine, and you will likely see that there are nearly 2m responses on this platform. I very much doubt that there was even 10% of that total three months ago. However, the current novel Coronavirus pandemic has quickly elevated this expression into a commonplace universally used and globally understood terminology.
Social distancing, or more accurately, physical distancing, may be defined as a public health intervention measure taken to minimize the spread of a virulently contagious disease. It achieves this outcome by imposing a calculated physical distance between individuals, groups, or units of people to restrict close contact, and so reduce opportunities for the passing of the disease from one person to another.
Social distancing is not social isolation. People are enabled and encouraged to maintain and develop where absent, frequent dialogue, and discussions through electronic and digital devices. We are fortunate that we live in this age of instantaneous voice and visual communication. And, although physical interactions are interrupted, families, friends, colleagues, and service providers can connect and conduct relationships almost unchanged. Nevertheless, it must understand that social distancing does not mean emotional distancing. On the other hand, we also need to recognize that emotional distancing can be integrally connected to and result from the conduct of social distancing. Unfortunately, this can be true even when individuals share the same household.
One of the consequences of this time of social distancing is a heightened awareness that many people are experiencing a marked absence of emotionally satisfying interactions; more and more cases of acute loneliness and isolation are emerging. The fact that many people live alone is the first reason that springs to mind. A less apparent reason is that many individuals live such busy lives that much of their emotional wellness is grounded in the activities and the people they interact with outside their homes. The last reason I will mention here is the reality that many people are so busy with the demands of their work/business they remain ignorant or complacent about cracks in personal relationships. The lockdown is forcing individuals to face the reality of relational challenges and the absence of healthy emotional connections. In other words, there is a state of pre-existing “emotional distance” within family units.
However, “emotional distancing” is a different beast altogether. Whereas emotional distance may develop unplanned and or unintentionally, emotional distancing indicates a choice or intention to be separate oneself from a specific individual/s or to be on the receiving end of such conduct by another. So let’s take a brief look at the difference starting with emotional distance. A person who lives alone may experience emotional separation because they do not have a network to provide support, stimulus, and stability. Some instances where this may develop are a) they spend the majority of their time working and very little time developing emotional ties; b) there are no children in the home, children are grown, live away and are uninvolved; c) one is divorced; d) a spouse or one’s parents are dead, or e) one is in transition for any number of other reasons. The result is the same; the individual is alone and experiencing a lack of emotional connection. If such individuals are introverts or socially awkward, their situation can get worse. Whether living in an urban or rural community, it is easy to see how emotional distance can increase over time.
In the case of emotional distancing, some situations in which this condition may incubate and develop are those in which an individual decides intentionally or not to engage only superficially. For example, staying artificially busy, making excuses, deliberately avoiding sharing one’s time or talent, and other actions and attitudes that keep people at arm’s length, emotionally. The following is a list of some signs that can alert us to emotional distancing.
- Superficial or limited conversations
- Avoidance of intimacy
- Lack of accountability
- Strict rules on personal space
- Definite boundaries of personal privacy
- Non-participation in activities or pursuits together
- Lack of interest in another person/s
- Dismissal or diminishing of concerns raised
However, whether there is inadvertent emotional distance or intentional emotional distancing, the consequences on the mental and emotional health and wellbeing of the person/s being disadvantaged will be the same or similar.
- Loneliness
- Feelings of inadequacy
- Abandonment
- Failure
- Punishment
- Withdrawn
- Insecure
- Loss of confidence
- Timid
- Overly talkative to strangers
I am sure we can add many other signs/symptoms, but I believe the above are some of the primary ones. These are all negative, even toxic emotions that can manifest in physical diseases in the body through stress. It is a medical fact that high-stress levels caused by negative experiences can undermine the immune system, lead to high blood pressure, heart conditions, obesity, etc. When one or more of these combine, the damage caused may be extensive. If allowed to persist over an extended period, irreversible harm can result.
Below are some recommendations to bridge the distance between our social and emotional states. However, in the case where an individual is deliberately imposing emotional distance from others with whom he/she should be close, they need to a) examine their actions or inactions; b) address the issue/s causing the behavior with professional help if necessary, and c) make reparations by apologizing at the very least to the victim of the negative actions of emotional distancing.
- Phone Calls. These are easy for almost everyone nowadays. With most people having smartphones, calls can even be visual as people do ‘face time.’ They can see the person they are speaking with and gauge non-verbal cues. This suggestion applies to international calls too.
- Institute or increase family mealtimes. With parents and children under lockdown together, there is a perfect opportunity for family mealtimes. They may take the form of first cooking together and then enjoying eating together. If there is a number for people in the household, special meals could be organized, such as ‘men’s nights’ and ‘ladies’ nights. Cooking and enjoying a family meal together is an excellent bonding experience and one that busy work lives outside the home severely inhibits.
- Fun and Games may be organized in the home or digitally. With restrictions on public places of communal gathering such as movie theatres, it is possible to enjoy online watch parties or home-based family fun nights. If someone lives on their own, they can arrange with friends or join an independent, fun night of games, hobbies or interest groups, etc. online. Where there are several people in a household, games or activities like a talent showcase, karaoke, quiz night, storytime, can also be great when done as a family.
- Attend Virtual Events. Many churches are holding virtual services, and they have details on their websites or disseminate the information through texts and emails to members. Some museums, like the Philadelphia Museum of the American Revolution, offer free virtual tours and downloadable activities like a Scavenger Hunt. (https://www.amrevmuseum.org/education-museum/students-and-teachers/virtual-field-trip). Google Arts and Culture also facilitates the digital viewing of significant artworks from famous museums around the world. (https://artsandculture.google.com/)
- Take online classes. There are many affordable and free online classes to satisfy just about every interest level and topic. These classes are ways to add value to one’s skill set and or indulge a particular interest and leisure pursuits. Many course organizers host online communities for participants, which offers another opportunity to connect informally with likeminded individuals.
There are so many other ways to become or stay connected these days. It is worth the effort of pushing oneself to explore what’s possible. Be intentional about staying in touch with family members and friends. Make use of social media platforms that you feel safe and comfortable using. However, even if it feels like you are reaching outside your comfort zone, remember it is worth it to develop a healthy mind, body, and spirit. Finally, it may be that more professional help and support is needed to deal with emotional and mental pain that has come from emotional distancing. Please reach out for professional help with anxiety, depression, grief, relationship issues, etc. Suffering in silence is not heroic; it is harmful to your wellbeing and prosperity. Therapists, counselors, mentors, life coaches, and other experts who specialize in helping are also available for telephone and virtual sessions. Search online, and you will find valuable resources and information to make intentional connections and meaningful change.
